she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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