the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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