You work out of a Hotel?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
