sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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