Buhtt sex?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
