We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
do nipples grow back?
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