Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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