I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
