dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
