You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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