In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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