Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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