I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
