is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
