Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize