Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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