Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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