i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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