i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize