All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
