I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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