I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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