Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
