I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
