Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
