You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
