One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
