Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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