just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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