he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
