I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
