bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
