Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
