When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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