also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.  Â
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
