Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
