Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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