I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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