Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
