Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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