I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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