I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
