I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize