I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
