if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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