Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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