I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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