just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
