There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
