Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
