Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
