He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
