i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize