the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
