I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
