Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
This is not my ceiling
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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