Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
