Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
