im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Randomize
