MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
