You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
