Soap is not a condiment
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
