He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
