Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize