Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
