what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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