Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
