I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
