that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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