im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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