1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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