Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
"it" just moved
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
