hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
