Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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