so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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