On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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