This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
