I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
