in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
