and she was petting her beer can
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
