I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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