I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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