Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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