I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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