id be glad to
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
