The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
