How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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