i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
