i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
