What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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