i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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