Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
