there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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