I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
