Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
