The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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