Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
